An honest mom take on Mom Guilt
Honestly, I hate mom guilt so much.
We can talk all day about what mom guilt is, and all the logical ways we can try to work through it, but sometimes we just have to acknowledge that it’s there and allow ourselves to say “this sucks”.
Ever felt guilty about feeling guilty? This is exactly what I am talking about.
As moms, we put so much pressure on ourselves to get it right. We fret, worry, and plan for all the eventualities. We put intention into the ways we raise our children, how we treat our children and what we teach our children. We sacrifice our time, our bodies, our careers and much of our personal lives because we love them and we want to do what is best for them.
And yet, we still feel like it’s not enough.
Like we aren’t patient enough.
Or fun enough.
Or organized enough.
Or healthy enough.
Or maternal enough.
Or happy enough.
Or present enough.
The irony is that for many of us, motherhood is the thing we try our hardest at, and simultaneously the thing we feel most guilty about getting “wrong”.
And when we carry childhood wounds from trauma, or other events that have shaped us, especially by our parents, we become hyper aware of the effect we are having on our kids. We want to do our best, but often feel as though our best isn’t good enough.
Why? Well, that’s for another blog.
Just know you are not alone in feeling mom guilt.
For now, I want to share with you 10 of my most watched videos on mom guilt. It’s a topic that is so important to me because it is so universal and can be detrimental to both our experience of motherhood and our self-worth. I want to stop feeling it and help you to do so as well.
Honest Mom’s Most Watched Mom Guilt Videos
The Irony Around What We Feel Mom Guilt For
Feeling Mom Guilt Just for Sitting Down
Mom Guilt Intruding on Nice Moments With Our Kids
Mom Guilt Sucks More than Anything
Mom Guilt Over Saying No To Play When We Are Struggling
Mom Guilt About Ruining Our Kids
Feeling Mom Guilt Over Everything Because Nothing We Do Feels “Right Enough”
Mom Guilt for Trying to Take A Break
Mom Guilt That We Haven’t Done Enough
Mom Guilt Over Not Enjoying Certain Phases Of Our Kids Lives
@diaryofanhonestmom thank you for this beautiful audio @lindseygurk #supportmoms #postpartum #motherhoodunplugged #momlife #lifewithkids #ppd #momcontent ♬ blackbird lindseygurk – Lindsey Gurk
Mom Guilt That We Didn’t Get it Right, Again
@diaryofanhonestmom send this to someone who needs it, you got this #parenting #momguilt #parentlife #parentingishard #momguilt #momtruth #momssupportmoms #momcontent ♬ In The End – Mellen Gi Remix – Tommee Profitt & Fleurie & Mellen Gi
Mom Guilt is a Universal Feeling
You Can Be a Good Mom, Even if You Feel Guilty
I’m working hard at breaking the cycle of feeling mom guilt for everything, but I am not sure I will EVER ‘arrive’ at not ever experiencing mom guilt. That’s a hard reality, but at least I am trying. I am trying to be the best mom I can for my kids, and I am acknowledging that aiming to feel less mom guilt might be a part of that process.
I don’t believe it is possible to rid ourselves of guilt completely, and afterall, sometimes it can be just the motivation we need to make some positive changes. So let’s delve deeper into what I believe mom guilt REALLY is. Hint: It’s not actually guilt.
I believe mom guilt is actually shame, and shame is extremely harmful. You can learn more about the difference between guilt and shame t by watching Brene Brown’s video here on shame versus guilt.
Here’s my quick breakdown of the difference between guilt, shame and mom guilt:
Guilt: I did something wrong
Shame: I AM something wrong
Mom guilt: I AM something wrong
Mom guilt is actually shame, disguised as “guilt.” Let me explain.
If mom guilt was true guilt, we would only feel it once in a blue moon when we objectively did make a mistake. Feeling mom guilt so consistently and persistently shows that our “guilt” is not tied to a specific act, event or day…it’s a deeper belief we are holding about ourselves. Feeling “guilty” over things that are out of our control, or things we know deep down truly is good parenting, but maybe not perfect parenting, is unnecessary and exhausting.
There are good moms all over the world going to sleep tonight wondering if they are good moms. They are overthinking everything they said and did or didn’t say or do. At the end of the day, we cannot do everything, but what we are doing is enough.
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Truly believing and accepting that we are imperfect and showing up for our kids as messy, imperfect, humble humans is the best way we can model being human. Moving towards a less guilt-ridden motherhood is incredibly important.
Leaning into the knowledge that we have needs as humans too and satisfying them or longing to have them satisfied is not something we should feel guilt for. To be human is to screw up. To be a good mom is to acknowledge the mistake, apologize and move on.
I really hope you realise that when you ask yourself “Am I a good mom?”, you understand that you absolutely must be since you wouldn’t be asking that question if you weren’t.
Following me on Instagram and Tikok? If not, I use these platforms to create a safe space for moms where you can speak your honest truth. I talk about all the hard things about motherhood plus trauma, mental health and everything in between. I’m told I’m kind of funny too!
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