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Mom Guilt Sucks, Knowing We Aren’t Alone Helps

April 20, 2022

Black and white image of woman with hand over face representing mom guilt

An honest mom take on Mom Guilt

Honestly, I hate mom guilt so much. 

We can talk all day about what mom guilt is, and all the logical ways we can try to work through it, but sometimes we just have to acknowledge that it’s there and allow ourselves to say “this sucks”.

Ever felt guilty about feeling guilty? This is exactly what I am talking about. 

As moms, we put so much pressure on ourselves to get it right. We fret, worry, and plan for all the eventualities. We put intention into the ways we raise our children, how we treat our children and what we teach our children. We sacrifice our time, our bodies, our careers and much of our personal lives because we love them and we want to do what is best for them. 

And yet, we still feel like it’s not enough. 

Like we aren’t patient enough. 

Or fun enough. 

Or organized enough. 

Or healthy enough. 

Or maternal enough.

Or happy enough. 

Or present enough. 

The irony is that for many of us, motherhood is the thing we try our hardest at, and simultaneously the thing we feel most guilty about getting “wrong”. 

And when we carry childhood wounds from trauma, or other events that have shaped us, especially by our parents, we become hyper aware of the effect we are having on our kids. We want to do our best, but often feel as though our best isn’t good enough. 

Why? Well, that’s for another blog. 

Just know you are not alone in feeling mom guilt. 

For now, I want to share with you 10 of my most watched videos on mom guilt. It’s a topic that is so important to me because it is so universal and can be detrimental to both our experience of motherhood and our self-worth. I want to stop feeling it and help you to do so as well. 

Also read: Navigating your ‘no’s’ – What Part of Motherhood is Hard to Say No To

Libby Ward in a dark blue tank top and jeans smiling at the camera

Honest Mom’s Most Watched Mom Guilt Videos

The Irony Around What We Feel Mom Guilt For

This video if you are looking to feel like someone understands how complex mom guilt is.

@diaryofanhonestmom The pressure we put in ourselves is just ridiculous #momlife #momguilt #mommyguilt #realmomlife #motherhoodunplugged #relatablemom ♬ Love You So – The King Khan & BBQ Show

Feeling Mom Guilt Just for Sitting Down

Guilt Intruding on Nice Moments With Our Kids

Watch this video if you’ve ever felt guilty for not playing with your kids.
@diaryofanhonestmom Why can’t we just enjoy our moments!? #momlife #momguilt #momguiltsucks #motherhood #thehonestmom #realmotherhood ♬ Big And Chunky – Juan Torres 🤠

It Sucks More than Anything

Watch this video if you have ever been frustrated by how much it affects you.

@diaryofanhonestmom And we have more grace for other moms than we ourselves #momguilt #momguiltsucks #mumguilt #realmomlife #thehonestmom ♬ Repeat Until Death – Novo Amor

Mom Guilt Over Saying No To Play When We Are Struggling

Watch this video if you have ever felt guilty for saying no to your kids because you were really having a hard time or you were depressed.
@diaryofanhonestmom just wanted you to know you're not alone #momlife #momguilt #depression #relatablemom #mentalhealth ♬ mr. forgettable – david kushner

Ruining Our Kids ?!?

Watch this video if you have ever struggled with intrusive thoughts about how you are not a good mom.

@diaryofanhonestmom good old Luda gets me everytime #motherhood #realmomlife #momlife #momguiltsucks #momguilt #supportmoms #thehonestmom ♬ original sound – GigaCree

Feeling Guilty Over Everything Because Nothing We Do Feels “Right Enough”

Watch this video if you have every felt mom guilt for opposing things.
@diaryofanhonestmom we're all just out here doing our best #momguilt #mommyguilt #momlife #workingmom #sahm #thehonestmom #supportmoms ♬ original sound – MAMA NENA

Mom Guilt for Trying to Take A Break

Watch this if you have every felt guilty while resting.

@diaryofanhonestmom don’t give in to it #sahmlife #supportmoms #workingmom #busymom #momguilt #hotmessmom #sahmlife #mommyguilt ♬ original sound – Jada

We Haven’t Done Enough - Guilty

Watch this if you have ever felt guilty that you have not done enough.

@diaryofanhonestmom moms and their conflicted feelings 💕 #supportmoms #supportivemomtiktok #THEHONESTMOM #motherhood #backtoschool #momlife #momtruth #motherhood ♬ Claire De YMCA – Cursed Mashups

Mom Guilt Over Not Enjoying Certain Phases Of Our Kids Lives

Watch this if you have ever felt like you missed out on enjoying your  kids while they were young.

@diaryofanhonestmom thank you for this beautiful audio @lindseygurk #supportmoms #postpartum #motherhoodunplugged #momlife #lifewithkids #ppd #momcontent ♬ blackbird lindseygurk – Lindsey Gurk

Feeling Bad That We Didn’t Get it Right, Again...

Watch this if you have ever felt like you were a bad mom for losing your patience.
@diaryofanhonestmom send this to someone who needs it, you got this #parenting #momguilt #parentlife #parentingishard #momguilt #momtruth #momssupportmoms #momcontent ♬ In The End – Mellen Gi Remix – Tommee Profitt & Fleurie & Mellen Gi

Mom Guilt is a Universal Feeling

Watch this if you have ever felt overwhelmed by everything you do or don’t do.

@diaryofanhonestmom we may all be different but this we have in common & we love these kids fiercely #momguilt #momtok #honestmom #momlife #workingmom #sahm ♬ Pieces (Solo Piano Version) – Danilo Stankovic

You Can Be a Good Mom, Even if You Feel Guilty

I’m working hard at breaking the cycle of feeling mom guilt for everything, but I am not sure I will EVER ‘arrive’ at not ever experiencing mom guilt. That’s a hard reality, but at least I am trying. I am trying to be the best mom I can for my kids, and I am acknowledging that aiming to feel less mom guilt might be a part of that process. 

I don’t believe it is possible to rid ourselves of guilt completely, and afterall, sometimes it can be just the motivation we need to make some positive changes. So let’s delve deeper into what I believe mom guilt REALLY is. Hint: It’s not actually guilt. 

I believe mom guilt is actually shame, and shame is extremely harmful. You can learn more about the difference between guilt and shame t by watching Brene Brown’s video here on shame versus guilt. 

Here’s my quick breakdown of the difference between guilt, shame and mom guilt: 

Guilt: I did something wrong

Shame: I AM something wrong

Mom guilt: I AM something wrong

Mom guilt is actually shame, disguised as “guilt.” Let me explain.

If mom guilt was true guilt, we would only feel it once in a blue moon when we objectively did make a mistake. Feeling mom guilt so consistently and persistently shows that our “guilt” is not tied to a specific act, event or day…it’s a deeper belief we are holding about ourselves. Feeling “guilty” over things that are out of our control, or things we know deep down truly is good parenting, but maybe not perfect parenting, is unnecessary and exhausting.

There are good moms all over the world going to sleep tonight wondering if they are good moms. They are overthinking everything they said and did or didn’t say or do. At the end of the day, we cannot do everything, but what we are doing is enough.

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A post shared by The Honest Mom (Libby) (@diaryofanhonestmom)

Truly believing and accepting that we are imperfect and showing up for our kids as messy, imperfect, humble humans is the best way we can model being human. Moving towards a less guilt-ridden motherhood is incredibly important. 

Leaning into the knowledge that we have needs as humans too and satisfying them or longing to have them satisfied is not something we should feel guilt for. To be human is to screw up. To be a good mom is to acknowledge the mistake, apologize and move on. 

I really hope you realise that when you ask yourself “Am I a good mom?”, you understand that you absolutely must be since you wouldn’t be asking that question if you weren’t. 

Following me on Instagram and Tikok? If not, I use these platforms to create a safe space for moms where you can speak your honest truth. I talk about all the hard things about motherhood plus trauma, mental health and everything in between. I’m told I’m kind of funny too!

If this has resonated with you, join my Honest Mom’s Insider Circle where you’ll get all my latest updates, special offers and promotions and exclusive content only for subscribers.

- Libby

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